…because at least once in our lives, we have been crushed, we have been
scathed, we have been broken. And although those memories have already been
erased, getting them out of our heart’s a whole different story.
Dear You,
“For those who were brokenhearted last
2013, things will only get better, sooner or later”
Tell those words straight to my face and tell me things
would get better. Tell me everything would be fine when my world starts to
crumble. Right before your eyes, I’m getting miserable.
It is so much easier said than done. When all you’ve ever
done is end this game you’ve grown tired of playing. Just like that, I’ve been
reduced to being just a stranger, stripped of every right care, denied of every
right to claim.
You held my heart the whole time. For six months, I’ve
been a puppet on a string. You became a dictator and I was your willing victim,
a slave at your disposal. I’ve put up with everything that came up – your busy
work schedule, your night outs with friends “you can’t miss”, your sisters’
recital, your dad’s musical, your occasional tantrums, your unnecessary
incidentals. I’ve been very understanding for goodness sake but like your old wagon
which often breaks down, we’ve become dysfunctional.
I know it must have been hard to be with me, too. I’ve
turned selfish and greedy. Could you blame me if I yearn for your attention? Is
it my fault to beg for time and affection? I’ve been desperate, I’ve been needy
but I swallowed every bit of pride left on my system. I want to make things
work, but then again, it didn’t.
Our relationship – if there was ever an “us” – eventually
ran its course and I should now let go. Will it ever be easy? No. Will I ever
be ok? Yes, but not in the near future. I’ve invested on what I thought is
serendipity. I thought I saw my future in you, that I’ll end up with you.
You asked me once if I will marry you and I said I’ll eventually
do. But God had other plans for us. And that is we are neither part of each
other’s future. It is comforting to know that breaking up with you is a step
closer on me finding The One. Until then, we owe it
Devastated,
Me
***************************************
Dear Me,
Get lost. Get out of
my hair. Why? Because I want to, because I can. I’ve seen it before and really,
it will never work.
Obstreperous,
You
***************************************
Dear You,
You don’t know how much courage it takes for me to stay
calm and collected. You don’t know how hard it is for me to put on an act every
day; that I am ok, that I have no problems at all. You don’t know how much time
it took me just to accept the fact that I can no longer be with you. And you,
you’re just there, unsurpassed, intact, nothing has changed, and you are still
you.
Fuck you. Fuck you and your words. Tell me it will never
work out when I did everything just to make things work. I’ve been thru hell
and back just to give you what you want. I gave you everything I can when I can’t
give anything for myself. My whole world would stop when you would call me and
I would rush to wherever you are just so that you don’t have to wait. Tell me
it will never work. It won’t because you can’t make it work on your end.
How hard it is for you to text me or message when you
have your whole day on your bed just watching those goddamn movies? How hard it
is for you to give me some attention when you would always update your status
almost every half quarter? I waited, waited long enough to realize that I was a
just blind guy waiting for some light that will never come.
I gave up on the fact that I will never ever be your #1
priority. I was not even close to being any of your priorities. I’ve been a backup
plan just in case your friends would ditch you out. I was your last resort when
you’re bored to death and you just want to go out. I’ve always been your last
choice and I was succumbed to that fact.
I’ve practically waited my whole life for someone to come
into my life and make sense of all these mess. Order in chaos; someone to organize
my fed-up entropy. And I really thought it was you. But shit happened and I didn’t
see it coming.
Whatever I said, I did or I felt that night, I won’t take
it back. Because that’s the time I’ve been sincerest to you.
Out of all the girls I’ve ever loved before, to you I
have been most honest, most vulnerable and most broken. So A, unfriend me
please and take me out of this bliss.
Throwing out the towel,
Me
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