Monday, December 20, 2010

Troika III (Finale)

Third Party

You had a problem with your best friend recently. I was there to help you.
You talked about how hard it was for you to lose a friend. I listened to your sorrows.
You said you felt like you were abandoned and things just fell out of order. I saw your struggles.
You asked me to stay faithful as a friend. I did as I promised, though I thought I was rational.
You thought we were good friends. I thought we were close friends.
They knew all of these stuffs. They asked who your best friend is.
You uttered a name, your best friend’s name. Not mine. And I thought, damn, get over it!

I felt bad and betrayed. You never said a thing.
I am just a third party trying to enter an exclusive relationship. You never realized though.
I am just a guest to your sortie. You invited me still.
I told you to get over it. You said the same to me.
I was speechless. You were right.
They knew all of these stuffs. But they know nothing really.
I am going to find me another. You said nothing. I said nothing. Done.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Troika II

-->PART II (The Boy Who Cried Foul)
I wanted to throw a hard punch straight in to your face when I heard you talk shit. And I was right there when you said a word that made my temper blow up. You were teasing me in the wrong moment and damn, I was so pissed off. Good thing I collected my thoughts and remember what my mom told me about throwing tantrums in public. You were a lucky bitch then. I told you to read my blog and see my wrath.

Three weeks later, and a blog terrorizing your whole existence in earth did not materialize. Why? I don’t really know. Maybe, the whole “threatening” thing was just a spur of the moment, an empty threat hoping to send you a warning that I am not comfortable on the idea of you making a big joke of my dire emotions. And I guess you got my point then since you stop talking shit into my face.

Or maybe, I just got tired of dealing with such emotions that I just don’t care. Really, I’ve had enough baggage in my life and to carry another (and you’re not as light as you think you are) is just too much. Too many enemies for me; too many bridges burned; too much negativity in my life.

And maybe, I just understood your point - that I am taking this thing too seriously that a mere mention of a name makes me furious. Maybe you thought, it’s ok to talk trash to the resident trash-talker in Aguman.

Dude, you are just too lucky you never have to experience the things I have gone through. My life really is not really an open book, and you may not really know who I truly am. But at the end of the day, one learns his lessons and every bit of anger is forgotten. Hence, you are forgiven.

Friday, December 10, 2010


If it happens once, it may never happen again.
If it happens twice, it will happen a third time.

I have always believed that in life, everything comes in pairs - sun and moon, spoon and fork, gun and bullet, boy and girl, black and white. Opposite or not, there will always be “that” one thing which perfectly fits the other, the one who’ll perfectly complement the existence of another. Everything in pairs and that’s the scheme. But then again, is it really the case? I found myself contemplating on such idea. Until finally, like Archimedes, I reached my Eureka moment - Life is not about pairs and partners and duos, moreover, it comes in threes or trios.

For in the sun and moon, there are stars that never dared to rest a single jiffy in giving off light, though mostly unappreciated, and greatly ignored.

For in the spoon and fork, there is a knife that’ll cut the woes in dealing with chunks of meat, lending its sharp blade, and making up for the bluntness of the more likely pair.

For in a gun and a bullet, there is a trigger that’ll exert every inch of effort it has just for a innocent bullet generate a force destructive to anyone who heads in its way.

For in black and white, a gray exists to compensate for what the pair cannot classify, to define the ambiguity of an area, to offer a neutral haven for those who could not make up their mind.

For in a boy and a girl, there is that one person who’ll have to deal with a temporary pain until s/he is finally given his turn for the needed attention and much wanted love.

And the situation gets vague and the complexity worsens. For in the natural order of things, everything leads to entropy and chaos is an organized clutter.

PART I (Win Some, Lose Some)

I had always been extremely competitive ever since. I am in constant pursuit to better than myself and others. I hate losing, especially sucking up and disappointing myself by delivering a lackluster performance when it matters most. I take losing so seriously that it came to a point that I developed a fear of failing. Then, I would cry, blame myself and feel sorry for my tainted, belittled ego. And the self-pity would last for days until I would found a way to redeem myself and boost my confidence once more. And for someone who regards ego so much, having my confidence back is rather orgasmic.

Well, everything changes as wisdom and perspective progresses through time. Though I am still that overly egoistic boy, my perception of losing has changed - big time. Before, failure was a ghost I cease to recognize. Now, I see failure as a nasty vegetable you may need to eat to somehow suffice the nutrient you lacked that lead you to your letdown. Failure is a detour, not a dead-end. And we have to deal with it every once in a while.

Like how I managed to deal with my three game losing streak in university-wide contests. Last semester, I had a three game winning (not really winning, since they are all second places) streak and earned some extra breads. Now, three losses and more money spent for a chance to earn anew. You see, life is in really in threes, even my winning and losing streaks tell so!

Anyhow, I guess, this is not really my month or my year, perhaps. But I have no choice but deal with the cards life gives me, right?

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