Sunday, June 19, 2011

Drunken Derivative

The freezing cold breeze on an arid summer night could not describe my state any better. Frozen, unmoving, stationary and it’s all because I am empty.

And for three numbing nights, I tried to fill that gaping emptiness with beer. Bottle after bottle, I felt the bitterness sinking in. But it will never match to that heaving pain inside.

It was a complete meltdown. I am full of beer. I am drunk. I am empty. And you will never know why I did this.

This may be the shortest post I’ll ever make. But it took me the longest to “complete” it. Contradiction, never fails to amuse me.

“Ang daming taong nakapaligid sa’yo pero parang nag-iisa ka pa rin.”

Drunk or not, I will post another sooner and it will be better. Like how I hope I will feel tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Chasing Hearts

Even the toughest guy would succumb to the faintest heart break. But I am not even tough. And when my heart was broken, it wasn’t faint. I fainted, that’s all. And I thought I would never fall in love again. But it happened to me. And to the other five people I talked to that night. Love fest? I was hopeful. They were too. So the chase started and in that one lonely night, I became five.

The Chaser

I thought it was you. After all the drama and hardships we’ve been through, I was secretly hoping it would be you. But you chose not to see me that way. You never gave me a chance. You thought I am just a friend for keeps. I am but I thought I was special to you. I was willing to do what I was avoiding for the longest time but to no avail, I never stood a chance for your love. I understand. You explained to me that what we have has been so valuable that you would rather not commit the same mistake you did before. Damn that mistake. But I respect you so much that I’d rather not force the issue. And you’re still the best thing that ever happened to me this summer. And I wish I was the same too.

The Chased

You were so nice, so great and so appreciative of what I have. You never looked at me as some random average guy whose talent is rather miniscule. You uplift my dwindling self-esteem. When I thought I was at the rock bottom of an incomprehensible schema, you thought I was the star of your universe. You were there for me even when I thought no one’s behind me. And I wish I could be that one for you too. I wish I could love you like you do to me. I felt the authenticity in your emotions and that overwhelms me. I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want to rush things either. So we have to let things fall in to their places and see where they may lead us.

The “Friendly Friend”

I knew who you are. I so knew you. Even with your eyes covered with that big black slab, I so knew you. I don’t know why but I remembered everything about you and that moment we first met. My mind never fails to impress me. So it stored a memory of someone I don’t really know and perhaps would never really know until that night. So you would be my friend (a very good one at that). I don’t know much about you but I felt like I’ve known you for so long that we shared stories no other friend knows. And it will continue forever. I hope so since you owe me a piece of your life.

The “Ungrateful Friend”

Should I say anything about you? Shut the hell up. Just because I could not reply faster than you are does not mean I couldn’t type properly. I have been very friendly to you. I don’t know why you are acting up. So shut up and go find someone else.

The Indefinable

I was looking for you for the longest time. I was looking for you when I paid my tuition fee. It was here, the same room, the same queue I saw you smiling at me, asking me about my subjects. And right then, I wish we could talk and spend a lot more time together not just flashes of time I could not even fathom. I wish we could visit our teacher’s office together. I wish we could be more than friends. And how I wish you would know I am thinking and writing about you all the time.