“So ano ng balak mo? Di ka na babalik ng Manila?”
“Dito na muna ko sa Bicol. Wala na kong planong bumalik. Masaya naman na ko dito”
Then it hits me. I was no longer in your plans. I will no longer be included in your future. There will never be you and me.
It was rather an ordinary night. I was lying in my bed, trying to sleep when someone called. It was just a number. And it looked too familiar to ignore. For once, I was dumbfounded. I don’t exactly know what to say, I don’t know what to feel. Emotions rushed, those proverbial feelings I had then set in. It was you. I knew it was you.
I was playing it cool when you called me up again. I wanted to hug you; I wanted to say how much I missed you. But all I ever said was to never leave again.
It was exactly a year ago when I almost fell in love with you. Your voice, not the most relaxing but it was placid and cute. The way you sing me the songs I don’t even know existed. The way you narrate how your day went by and I just listened. Those times when you push me to do things I’m not really sure I can do. Those nights when you tell me you will always be here for me and that you’ll never leave me. But you did leave. I was left there hanging, damaged and scathed.
Call me stupid, call me crazy but the thing is I never really met you. Aside from all the feelings I invested, all I can even remember from you was this picture you had a black sando on and you sitting comfortably on the driver’s seat. I don’t even know your full name. Or should I say I don’t even know if that was your real name. They say you can’t fall for someone you barely know. I did. And I have no regrets falling for you.
But so many things happened in between. Too many that I don’t even know if we’ll be able to catch up with each other’s life. We screwed up our shot at love. I wanted something tangible and concrete and you can’t give me that, I thought. You wanted to wait for you till you are ready but I can’t. I wish you could make up your mind and prove me right. Until then, you will just and always be my favorite “what if”.