Twisted Fate

“So ano ng balak mo? Di ka na babalik ng Manila?”

“Dito na muna ko sa Bicol. Wala na kong planong bumalik. Masaya naman na ko dito”

               Then it hits me. I was no longer in your plans. I will no longer be included in your future. There will never be you and me.

                It was rather an ordinary night. I was lying in my bed, trying to sleep when someone called. It was just a number. And it looked too familiar to ignore. For once, I was dumbfounded. I don’t exactly know what to say, I don’t know what to feel. Emotions rushed, those proverbial feelings I had then set in.  It was you. I knew it was you.

                I was playing it cool when you called me up again. I wanted to hug you; I wanted to say how much I missed you. But all I ever said was to never leave again.

                It was exactly a year ago when I almost fell in love with you. Your voice, not the most relaxing but it was placid and cute. The way you sing me the songs I don’t even know existed. The way you narrate how your day went by and I just listened.  Those times when you push me to do things I’m not really sure I can do. Those nights when you tell me you will always be here for me and that you’ll never leave me. But you did leave. I was left there hanging, damaged and scathed.

                Call me stupid, call me crazy but the thing is I never really met you. Aside from all the feelings I invested, all I can even remember from you was this picture you had a black sando on and you sitting comfortably on the driver’s seat. I don’t even know your full name. Or should I say I don’t even know if that was your real name. They say you can’t fall for someone you barely know. I did. And I have no regrets falling for you.

                But so many things happened in between. Too many that I don’t even know if we’ll be able to catch up with each other’s life. We screwed up our shot at love. I wanted something tangible and concrete and you can’t give me that, I thought. You wanted to wait for you till you are ready but I can’t. I wish you could make up your mind and prove me right. Until then, you will just and always be my favorite “what if”.

(c) http://www.soulshepherding.org/tag/lonely/