Friday, November 15, 2013

Northern Star

The scent of freshly cut red roses still lingers as I pass by your workplace today. It was weird to see such a beautiful arrangement there on your table because you never liked roses. You were a Gaga, not a Perry, you mentioned. In our three year “secret” relationship, you always wanted something different, something rather unusual. I remembered how you love staring at the sky at night and you feel as if the stars were there to guide you. So I gave you this nice bouquet of white and pink stargazer lilies that I ordered online from Manila Blossoms. It was perfect birthday gift and they have been your favorite since.

I must have been dreaming but I saw you flashed that smile as you glance at these flowers at your desk.  That same smile I see every time I hold your gentle hands, that same smile I see whenever I kiss your cute little nose, that same smile I saw when I finally put that ring on your petite finger.  

Oh that moment! You thought it was just another fancy dinner. But I arranged something special for you that night. PHgifts delivered our little Patrick and Chloe teddy bear in their wedding attire; I asked a friend to dress in a priest’s robe and had your band play “Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts. As I knelt down I looked at your welled dope eyes and stuttered,” This is how I want my wedding to look like, the way I want my future to look like- you, me and our own little family”. And you said yes, the sweetest yes I ever heard in my entire life. But fate is really a bitch. Just when you thought you have it all figured out, a bigger hand plays a trick on you and your whole world trembles.

Your mom must have really hated me so much to not allow me to see you for the very last time. She knew me from law school but not as you fiancĂ©. Your white stargazers on my hand wilted as I waited for hours outside for that one final chance to say my piece. But that chance never came. A fractured arm and a bruised body felt nothing compared to a broken heart pleading for forgiveness. 

It’s been a year now and I am still picking up the shattered pieces of once a lovely fairy tale shared between us. I never said goodbye. I can still you in your desk talking to your clients about their cases. I can still see you in my dreams and talk me through some rough times. It is a long climb up there to recover but I know I am on my way in to your loving arms.

And in this dark lonely night, I look at the sky cause I know you will be there, you’ll point me on my way to where I should go and guide me through my life. So this is for you, with your stargazers on my hand, I miss you my Northern Star.


Not really my own personal story but based on real life events.

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