I don’t know what to do. I just sensed frustration on your face. Something’s bothering you. I dared not to ask as you barge outside our door and fled. To where, I had no idea. All I know is that I need to follow you. Yet I have to watch for this one. He could be stupid at times and I am not taking chances of him doing what he did last time. But I followed you still.
I am all alone, dumbfounded of what’s happening. I’ve been here standing here outside for a couple of minutes. I called you up – fucking no answer. You told me you’re on your way home. So I waited and waited and waited for you some more.
For the first time in my life, I felt I was truly, really alone. No one I could count on, no one who could help me, no one whom I could share my misery. I almost cried. But I need to fight this chink in my own armor. Think.
But I could no longer see her. I had a vision of her a few blocks away. But now she’s gone out of my sight. Fuck. I don’t know what to do. And I panicked.
And you didn’t even bother getting out of your bed? I’ve been running as crazy as hell and there you were, pretending to be asleep and not minding about things? And now it’s clear to me that somehow, you don’t love us that much anymore. And that moment, I swear had I not control myself, I would punch you in your face ‘til you bleed.
I am still surprised that you still haven’t moved a single muscle. I guess you could manage yourself. I need leave you here. I’m going to take my chances and look for her. And I could never forgive myself if something happens.
1: 15 AM
Finally, you showed up. I’ve been standing here for minutes and I swear I couldn’t take it anymore. I could barely talk to you. I just hand you the keys and my trek began.
I don’t know where to find her. As if by instinct, I walked and walked and walked. Wherever my foot may lead me I walked. I don’t know where to begin. All I know was I couldn’t stop walking ‘til I find her.
Streets I’ve never paid much attention with, I checked. Places I don’t know existed within our place, I looked for. Buildings I would not imagine myself into, I entered. I am all over the place. I walked still. I haven’t had a vision of her, not ever her shadow. It’s as if she had no intentions of her getting found. But I couldn’t stop.
…until I had to. I am in the middle of this immeasurable haystack and the needle is getting smaller and smaller by the minute.
I am back to my starting point and I failed miserably. I don’t have her. I am dead-tired and helpless. Good thing, both of you started taking charge. I could no longer do this chase. I cracked. My spirit’s broken, my faith’s ill-stricken.
And so you left once more. I am alone. Again. And with an empty mind and a scathed heart, I chugged and chugged some beer.
Alcohol must have been really that relaxing. After all the run and chase brouhaha, they found her. And I heaved a sigh of relief.
This is probably the longest night I have experienced ever in my life. And the night keeps getting longer and darker by the minute. I am still waiting for that promising dawn to come and I’ll be forever hopeful it will come. Fingers crossed.