It was never my intention to enter your life. I mean, I had too much going on with mine; I could barely make ends meet. But then again, I did. Unexpectedly, I did. And now, I just could not let you go.
I tried to shun you out and forget that I actually cared about you. But that was just plain bullshit. All I ever wanted was for you to do the same for me. But it will never happen.
I tried to gave way and let someone else make you feel special. But it scares the crap out of me because I know that once I let you go completely, I will never have you back.
I tried to think that maybe it was my fate to never have you in my arms. But your hand felt just right – just like how I used to feel before with her.
And it was my entire fucking fault. I know I was being too permissive and I get attached to people hastily. I shouldn’t have let my guards go down. I should have set a barrier or a gap between us. But I never did. And so I am suffering the consequences right now.
I will eventually tell you about all of these nothings – how I can’t sleep at night cause all I ever wanted was to sleep right next to you; how happy I am whenever that phone blinks and your name appears on it; how cool it was to see you in my dreams. But it will not happen soon. Perhaps, it will never ever happen.
Until I have the guts to fight for you, then I will forever wait in vain and be blue.