Love Stories

Love Stories. We all had or will have at least one. Each one is unique, each having its own twist and turns. Some are blessed they have plenty of these wonderful tales. Some others are not as fortunate.

But we all can relate to a love story no matter what the narrative is. That’s because we all have a faithful heart, hoping that it will eventually throb for the person destined to us.

And like how beautiful sunsets need cloudy skies, oftentimes love stories don’t start with bliss.But it will never, ever end in melancholy.

"Nothing Ever Hurt Like You"

Why am I even hurting myself more?
Lurking over your photos, your tweets and your conversations.

I wish I could finally say I am happy for you.
But I am not.
And I will never be.
‘Cause I still think I deserve you more.

Chances, I asked more than once.
And just when I thought you’ll give me one,
You dashed my hope in a glance.

So I guess it will stay this way forever.
I will still get hurt just by looking over your pictures.

And until I gave up that one last chance,
Nothing will ever hurt like you.

"Before You Walk Out of My Life"

You found me under that faint, blue light
Ruined, damaged and broken.
Pulled me out of that hollow mess,
You brought me back to my aching nest.

From there, I thought we were into something.
You made my summer nights interesting.
And I built my world around you,
Only to find out the universe conspires against me.

You made me believe a lie,
That I am the only one you brought inside.
And there he was, sitting in my throne.
He picked you up and your love, already honed.

Before you walk out of my life,
Throw me back in to the dirt I once belonged.
There someone would stare at my loneliness,
And I’ll never be alone anymore.

That Red Thing

In a few days time, you’ll start your work, you’ll get busier than ever and you’ll get paid to do something you may not even like. You waited for this. And so it will begin.

Your love-hate relationship with your bum life is not getting any better. Your head throbs by mere thought of expenses you are about to get. Funny how you think of that when all you have now is a thousand peso kept for emergency, there in your wallet for the longest time. Yet your plans are quite “grand” but achievable. And like a parent to his sibling, I am quite supportive.

In a few days time, you’ll get something I may not fully encourage. But this is what you want and this is something more convenient for you. And I do get your point about this. Though I am quite apprehensive, I am letting go of that red thing. The red thing you once associate with someone more important. The red thing I was forced to acquire just to bridge the gap between us. The red thing which I correlate with you since in that world, I have you and only you, satisfying that exclusivity I always wished for. But I am supportive and (something)…

I envy them. You let them enter the world I could only wish for. But you told me not to. So I’ll accept that fact that I should not demand for something deeper and riskier. So as to preserve whatever we’ve been protecting. I would still ask for my shot though. And until the red thing’s still up, I will push for my chance of a lifetime.

Drunken Derivative

The freezing cold breeze on an arid summer night could not describe my state any better. Frozen, unmoving, stationary and it’s all because I am empty.

And for three numbing nights, I tried to fill that gaping emptiness with beer. Bottle after bottle, I felt the bitterness sinking in. But it will never match to that heaving pain inside.

It was a complete meltdown. I am full of beer. I am drunk. I am empty. And you will never know why I did this.

This may be the shortest post I’ll ever make. But it took me the longest to “complete” it. Contradiction, never fails to amuse me.

“Ang daming taong nakapaligid sa’yo pero parang nag-iisa ka pa rin.”

Drunk or not, I will post another sooner and it will be better. Like how I hope I will feel tomorrow.

Chasing Hearts

Even the toughest guy would succumb to the faintest heart break. But I am not even tough. And when my heart was broken, it wasn’t faint. I fainted, that’s all. And I thought I would never fall in love again. But it happened to me. And to the other five people I talked to that night. Love fest? I was hopeful. They were too. So the chase started and in that one lonely night, I became five.

The Chaser

I thought it was you. After all the drama and hardships we’ve been through, I was secretly hoping it would be you. But you chose not to see me that way. You never gave me a chance. You thought I am just a friend for keeps. I am but I thought I was special to you. I was willing to do what I was avoiding for the longest time but to no avail, I never stood a chance for your love. I understand. You explained to me that what we have has been so valuable that you would rather not commit the same mistake you did before. Damn that mistake. But I respect you so much that I’d rather not force the issue. And you’re still the best thing that ever happened to me this summer. And I wish I was the same too.

The Chased

You were so nice, so great and so appreciative of what I have. You never looked at me as some random average guy whose talent is rather miniscule. You uplift my dwindling self-esteem. When I thought I was at the rock bottom of an incomprehensible schema, you thought I was the star of your universe. You were there for me even when I thought no one’s behind me. And I wish I could be that one for you too. I wish I could love you like you do to me. I felt the authenticity in your emotions and that overwhelms me. I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want to rush things either. So we have to let things fall in to their places and see where they may lead us.

The “Friendly Friend”

I knew who you are. I so knew you. Even with your eyes covered with that big black slab, I so knew you. I don’t know why but I remembered everything about you and that moment we first met. My mind never fails to impress me. So it stored a memory of someone I don’t really know and perhaps would never really know until that night. So you would be my friend (a very good one at that). I don’t know much about you but I felt like I’ve known you for so long that we shared stories no other friend knows. And it will continue forever. I hope so since you owe me a piece of your life.

The “Ungrateful Friend”

Should I say anything about you? Shut the hell up. Just because I could not reply faster than you are does not mean I couldn’t type properly. I have been very friendly to you. I don’t know why you are acting up. So shut up and go find someone else.

The Indefinable

I was looking for you for the longest time. I was looking for you when I paid my tuition fee. It was here, the same room, the same queue I saw you smiling at me, asking me about my subjects. And right then, I wish we could talk and spend a lot more time together not just flashes of time I could not even fathom. I wish we could visit our teacher’s office together. I wish we could be more than friends. And how I wish you would know I am thinking and writing about you all the time.

The Failed Not-So-Fatal Suicide Attempts of a Fragile Boy

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You showed me the scars you got from all those scalpel cuts you implanted on your wrist. White cuts from white cuts, you managed to forge a smile while explaining how you got each one of them. I had mine but nothing of that kind. (Yeah! We, suicidal boys, rock!) Like a valiant, feisty warrior proud of his battle wounds, you revealed yourself to me in the most uncompromising situation possible. And there goes my two-cents of respect for you, I was hoping I could do the same and smile my worries away like you did that moment.

I felt a strong connection being developed ever since our paths intersected. I felt like I know your struggles, I know the way you handle things; I know how your mind works. We both pursued the same degree on different universities and you failed to graduate on time, exactly what happened to me. Though our looks are poles apart, the commonalities were just overwhelming to say at the very least.

I saw myself in you, a parallelism we could never deny – you were like me but much better.

I am much more controlled than you are. You were more transparent and more care free. Though our looks may mislead judgments, I know I am the more serious one and you’re the laid back counterpart. And I know I am (socially) way cooler than you are.

Our circumstances made me realize why I travelled the route different from yours. You mirrored what exactly I envisioned on the other side on my very decisions. Like the way you explored the unchartered place I avoided all my life. Like how you managed to hold on to that one dream I let slipped away. Like how you managed to keep yourself together and not have gotten berserk.

Ultimately, we fell down, gone depressed, hit rock bottom, and picked up what’s left on our dignity. We managed to suck it up, deal with stress and move on. We may never hold on to that promise we will never attempt suicide once more, but heck yeah, we will make sure we will be there for each other whenever we feel like chopping our wrists with scalpels.