Life After You

Yeah, I messed up your life. I probably, somehow, jeopardize your chances last election. I may have caused you sleepless nights for quite some time. Selfish me, I did horrible stuffs I shouldn’t have done. I am sorry though. I am so done with all the drama. I am so fed up with people talking behind my back. I am just sorry.

I missed us, too. How you absorb my furious angst against everyone. How you would calm me down after all the disappointments. How you were there for me when I thought I was hopeless. You were forgiving, caring and understanding. You were there for me whenever I needed you. Yeah, you were awesome. I thought we were made for each other. But then again, it never happened.

It’s been nine months (I lurked at your blog to check for some details) and every one moved on. You have your man, which I think makes you feel loved. I sure hope he makes you happy, still. Aside from occasional flirting with some friends, I haven’t had someone though. But I am great, I am totally fine.

Handing you your notebook is the closest we could get, for now. That moment, I felt nothing. Not a bit of hatred and anger. And that could launch our bid to rebuild our friendship we once had. You can still be a part of my life. But you cannot mess with me now, the same way I can’t mess with yours. Truly, time heals all wounds and this has been my life after you. My battle scars all peeled off and I am as unscathed as new.

Summer

Sana summer na lang ulit.
Para kaklase ulit kita.
Para makita ulit kita araw-araw.

Iba naman na sitwasyon ko ngayon.
Di tulad dati, pwede na tayo siguro.

Nakakatuwa lang.
Kung kailan di na tayo naging magkaklase,
ngayon tayo nag usap.
E dati sa magkabilang dulo pa tayo nakaupo.

Tapos, nung enrollment, nagkita ulit tayo.
Baka dun ko naisip, sana, ikaw na lang yung katabi ko.

Tinanong mo ko kung kamusta na ko.
Sabi ko ok naman na ko.
Nalaman mo kung anong nangyari samin,
sabi mo bigla,
"Goodluck naman sa Valentine's day!"

Salamat sa goodluck.
Pero mas masaya sana kung goodluck sating dalawa di ba?
Haha! Nilalandi lang naman kita.
Pero malay mo, tayo pala talaga.

Sana summer na lang ulit.
Sabi natin noon, magkaklase tayo ulit kay Sir,
sa ibang subject naman.

Sana summer na lang ulit.
Ngayon, ikaw na kausap ko,
ikaw na katabi ko.
Para naman sumaya na summer ko,
pati na rin puso ko.
Corny much!

Sana ngayong summer, SANA.

Troika III (Finale)

-->

Third Party

You had a problem with your best friend recently. I was there to help you.

You talked about how hard it was for you to lose a friend. I listened to your sorrows.

You said you felt like you were abandoned and things just fell out of order. I saw your struggles.

You asked me to stay faithful as a friend. I did as I promised, though I thought I was rational.

You thought we were good friends. I thought we were close friends.

They knew all of these stuffs. They asked who your best friend is.

You uttered a name, your best friend’s name. Not mine. And I thought, damn, get over it!

I felt bad and betrayed. You never said a thing.

I am just a third party trying to enter an exclusive relationship. You never realized though.

I am just a guest to your sortie. You invited me still.

I told you to get over it. You said the same to me.

I was speechless. You were right.

They knew all of these stuffs. But they know nothing really.

I am going to find me another. You said nothing. I said nothing. Done.

Troika II

-->PART II (The Boy Who Cried Foul)
I wanted to throw a hard punch straight in to your face when I heard you talk shit. And I was right there when you said a word that made my temper blow up. You were teasing me in the wrong moment and damn, I was so pissed off. Good thing I collected my thoughts and remember what my mom told me about throwing tantrums in public. You were a lucky bitch then. I told you to read my blog and see my wrath.

Three weeks later, and a blog terrorizing your whole existence in earth did not materialize. Why? I don’t really know. Maybe, the whole “threatening” thing was just a spur of the moment, an empty threat hoping to send you a warning that I am not comfortable on the idea of you making a big joke of my dire emotions. And I guess you got my point then since you stop talking shit into my face.

Or maybe, I just got tired of dealing with such emotions that I just don’t care. Really, I’ve had enough baggage in my life and to carry another (and you’re not as light as you think you are) is just too much. Too many enemies for me; too many bridges burned; too much negativity in my life.

And maybe, I just understood your point - that I am taking this thing too seriously that a mere mention of a name makes me furious. Maybe you thought, it’s ok to talk trash to the resident trash-talker in Aguman.

Dude, you are just too lucky you never have to experience the things I have gone through. My life really is not really an open book, and you may not really know who I truly am. But at the end of the day, one learns his lessons and every bit of anger is forgotten. Hence, you are forgiven.

Troika

If it happens once, it may never happen again.

If it happens twice, it will happen a third time.

I have always believed that in life, everything comes in pairs - sun and moon, spoon and fork, gun and bullet, boy and girl, black and white. Opposite or not, there will always be “that” one thing which perfectly fits the other, the one who’ll perfectly complement the existence of another. Everything in pairs and that’s the scheme. But then again, is it really the case? I found myself contemplating on such idea. Until finally, like Archimedes, I reached my Eureka moment - Life is not about pairs and partners and duos, moreover, it comes in threes or trios.

For in the sun and moon, there are stars that never dared to rest a single jiffy in giving off light, though mostly unappreciated, and greatly ignored.

For in the spoon and fork, there is a knife that’ll cut the woes in dealing with chunks of meat, lending its sharp blade, and making up for the bluntness of the more likely pair.

For in a gun and a bullet, there is a trigger that’ll exert every inch of effort it has just for a innocent bullet generate a force destructive to anyone who heads in its way.

For in black and white, a gray exists to compensate for what the pair cannot classify, to define the ambiguity of an area, to offer a neutral haven for those who could not make up their mind.

For in a boy and a girl, there is that one person who’ll have to deal with a temporary pain until s/he is finally given his turn for the needed attention and much wanted love.

And the situation gets vague and the complexity worsens. For in the natural order of things, everything leads to entropy and chaos is an organized clutter.

PART I (Win Some, Lose Some)

I had always been extremely competitive ever since. I am in constant pursuit to better than myself and others. I hate losing, especially sucking up and disappointing myself by delivering a lackluster performance when it matters most. I take losing so seriously that it came to a point that I developed a fear of failing. Then, I would cry, blame myself and feel sorry for my tainted, belittled ego. And the self-pity would last for days until I would found a way to redeem myself and boost my confidence once more. And for someone who regards ego so much, having my confidence back is rather orgasmic.

Well, everything changes as wisdom and perspective progresses through time. Though I am still that overly egoistic boy, my perception of losing has changed - big time. Before, failure was a ghost I cease to recognize. Now, I see failure as a nasty vegetable you may need to eat to somehow suffice the nutrient you lacked that lead you to your letdown. Failure is a detour, not a dead-end. And we have to deal with it every once in a while.

Like how I managed to deal with my three game losing streak in university-wide contests. Last semester, I had a three game winning (not really winning, since they are all second places) streak and earned some extra breads. Now, three losses and more money spent for a chance to earn anew. You see, life is in really in threes, even my winning and losing streaks tell so!

Anyhow, I guess, this is not really my month or my year, perhaps. But I have no choice but deal with the cards life gives me, right?

co (http://www.lasisblog.com)

An Ode to that Arab-Looking Guy

-->

“Angas ng dating nung lalaking yun. Pa-bida pa. Sa gitna umupo, e late naman siya. Mukhang arabo pa.” I told Val, my seatmate and BS Math friend, on the opening day of our Educ 100 class. It was a freakishly hot summer afternoon in UP and the mere thought of going into class is just dragging. Well, had it been my way, I would have stayed home, watched all day and tired myself in doing nothing. But when you’re in “purgatory”, i.e., non-major status and needed to shift badly, you have no choice but to sacrifice your ultra elusive precious vacation.

Obviously, I was in my usual self then, being a brat, throwing grand tantrums, dishing out people and all. Well, blame it on the weather; or in my “hanging” academic status; or in my unstable, stressful “love life”; or in the fact that my batch mates are graduating and here I am sitting in this boring room instead of practicing my graduation march. There are obviously a lot of things going on in my life then and I was about to throw in the towel and quit. But I wouldn’t mind spending that one last chance of getting back at people I hate. And so this Arab-looking guy, a complete stranger, my first “potential” prey, had to experience my wrath of nastiness. Or so I thought.

Fast forward, almost a year has passed and here I am, practicum-shy of my long-delayed graduation (finally!), completing a degree in education (who would have thought?) and single yet contended (but that’s another issue!). And for that Arab-looking guy? He dropped out of the course because of “extreme emotional violence and trepidation” from a classmate. Haha!

Seriously, that guy is one of my best buddies in UP. We were reporting group mates in that class (di ko pa din na-gets yung game mo!), thus, became seat/activity/”bash” mates plus share a couple of friends and a professor. Also, we were shifting into Educ, thus spending much time chasing the notorious, ever powerful Ate Glo. Good thing, we were both accepted in Educ or else the story ended right there and then. And now, we are torturing ourselves in a Physics (his major and my minor) class.

In such a short time, I gained a friend worthy of two. (Oo, Lawi, dinelete ko sila. Haha). Enrolment pal, “Bash” mate, taxi friend, ka-alaskahan, Starbucks buddy (lugi na ko dahil nauubos allowance ko sa almusal natin). Haha!

Well, he may not fully experienced my wrath but I always make sure he gets a dose of it every once in a while.

Thanks, Andrell Adik, humanda ka sa Tuesday. Inuna ko pa tong pinapagawa mo kesa sa probset natin. Kokopya na lang ako sayo. Haha!

P.S. Di ko pwedeng apihin si he-who-must-not-be –named. Kawawa naman yung tao. Haha! Di naman siguro siya nang-aagaw ng friends e.

Sh*t Happens

I don't know where to begin, how to begin, what to do, why do it and what the f@ck am I writing?

Sh*t happens. Yeah! And if that sh*t happens to be your ex-lover showing up with your batch mate, then shut the f*ck up and don't be bitter about it. Well, remind yourself you are so much better after breaking up. Really.

Sh*t happens. And if that means you are my age and you got grounded, deal with it. You have no choice. You do what you have to do. Respect.

Sh*t happens. And if some of your batch mates failed to show up in your batch bonding, then at least enjoy the night with those who came. They have their reasons. Some are valid. And others? Cut the crap. I ain't gonna be nice anyways.

Sh*t happens. So what? You're gonna make it through anyways. I've been through the roughest and I'm not backing down.

So bring it on bitches! Die you suckers! Sh*t happens and so is luck!